Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You were trust falling into bushes
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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