im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
