I accidentally had phone sex last night
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
