i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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