Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
