And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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