i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
