thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
