I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The adults are the big ones right?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
