i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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