Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
