HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
