Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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