no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
