its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
no you cant smoke seaweed
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
