I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
