I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
