dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
