So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
