That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
