I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
