But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I have tasted many bathrooms
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
