You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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