we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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