I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
