Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
