I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
