There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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