There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
