Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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