everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize