what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
