funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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