Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My penis needs a shock collar
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
