I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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