Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
