so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I think I sprained my soul last night
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
