Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I think I just sharted jello shots
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
