please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
