I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
