Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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