apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
