The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
