I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
