now i know why i became what i already was.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
