Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
