So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
