hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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