You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
