Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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