If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
farters have to be the big spoon...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
