So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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