She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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