i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
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