Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
