When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
