Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
