Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
