Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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