Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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