his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
