are you so shy because you have an std?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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