PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
