I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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