first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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