She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
