shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
