Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
