Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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