the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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