We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
